The power of pastries and what not to do.
I used to enjoy stopping by a donut shop every now and then, usually Friday mornings, and picking up some treats for my employees and customers, supporting the local small business. I was everybody’s friend. Before long, people came to expect it; even commenting if I didn’t stop or was five minutes late when I did.
I realized I was supplying at least two dozen fine American pastries, every week, for a ridiculous ritual that turns into a thankless feeding frenzy. I would change it up once in a while, with muffins or Danishes; but never bagels– more on that later.
After an hour or two, I would mosey on over to the donut boxes to see what was left, maybe grab one for myself. I usually only found the coconut, which, apparently like most people, I do not appreciate. (For me, it’s not the taste- it’s the texture. Eating shredded coconut is what I imagine chewing a Post-It note would feel like.) I started asking my donut vendor to bag a few of the fried sugar halos separately just for me. This way I could save one for the drive home or an unadulterated, never-breathed-on maple old fashioned for the wife.
So, I would close the lids and throw away the empty box, because for some reason the uncouth bastards that visit my store can’t seem to remember what their mothers taught them. One day it was so bad I kept an empty box, then began to plot the lesson I can teach these grown men that act like children.
I thought maybe it was my fault, I was being too strict or judgmental- maybe they were starving or came from a broken home. Then I look at the vehicles they drive, and I know about what they charge their clients too. They do all right for themselves, there are no excuses for their behavior. Wrapping two in a napkin and pretending like it’s one is not sly- it’s gluttonous.
It finally dawned on me- they don’t pay for it, what do they care. Like getting free tickets to the game, if you don’t go, no loss. But if you paid for them, damn right you’re going.
The following week, I put out an empty box and taped this notice inside the lid:
NO DONUTS
DUE TO THE VANDALISM AND WANTON DISREGARD FOR MANNERS AND DECENCY THAT OCCURRED AGAIN LAST WEEK, THE COURTESY OF FREE PASTRIES WILL BE SUSPENDED UNTIL THE MANAGEMENT BELIEVES THIS REPREHENSIBLE BREACH OF ETIQUETTE HAS CEASED.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
The Etiquette
In case you need a refresher on the fundamentals of the Pink Box Protocol…
NEVER take a bite and put it back. Don’t think you’re some kind of cool hipster watching your figure by breaking it in half either. Nobody wants your slobbered-on or manhandled donut. They are already made to bakery specifications; you have no right to alter their culinary art. You either take one or you don’t.
Saying thank you to the supplier of said deliciousness should be in the forefront of your mind; as well as using a napkin and not talking with your mouthful!
If no one else is waiting to partake in a sweet sinker, then close the lid. If you take the last one, then dispose of the box. And finally, don’t take two if they’re just for you.
The Entrance
Now that we’ve covered the conduct, we’ll go over one of the main benefits of the “Pink Box Protocol.” Originally, it was just what I put under ‘reason’ on my expense reports. Now it has become all-encompassing as a pink box also gains admission.
If you ever have to make sales calls, always bring the treats. No one carrying a pink box is ever denied an audience. Try also cookies, chocolates, and the occasional meat and cheese gift basket or deli-tray- but certainly not bagels.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a refined boiled bread crown as much as the next guy. And sure, bringing bagels can make you look chic or in vogue, but there are ramifications.
So why no bagels? Because bagels require cutting, cream cheese, utensils, and they generally make a mess that somebody has to clean up. Unless that person is you, it stops being a delight for the person you’re trying to impress and becomes a chore. That’s why bagels in business are no bueno.
The End
Hopefully you can see the Pink Box Protocol creates more than just palate pleasure. With a little time and a few dollars, you can support a local business, promote your product, be the good guy, and best of all- bring a little cheer to someone’s workday.